Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Damn victory sex feels great
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
