What a fucking waste of an outfit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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