From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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