i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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