I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
