So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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