i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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