Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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