Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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