return my video game
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
