well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
