So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
