I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
