I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
