Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
