Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
