hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
