There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
