the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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