U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't notice because vodka
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
