The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
