Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
