My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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