My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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