He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
