So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
