Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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