i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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