just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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