let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
