ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no you cant smoke seaweed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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