I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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