I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
