Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
