Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's the barista slut.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
