...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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