Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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