ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
