I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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