remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
