Do you still have your period?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
