i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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