its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
