I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
