i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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