i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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