Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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