I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
