I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
