I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
