Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
