That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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