he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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