Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
