You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
