you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
