I'm so fucking centered right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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