So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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