So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
