If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm too high and old for this...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
