Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
