We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
