just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
