2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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