My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
