i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
