you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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