the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
