All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
