Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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