What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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