My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
