so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
