I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Farmville is her only friend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
